Someone asks us to do something and we really want to say no, but we end up saying yes instead. We immediately kick ourselves because we really don’t want to do it or we wouldn’t mind doing it under different circumstances. After the self-beating, we become resentful and maybe overwhelmed.
How do we get ourselves into these situations? We want to be liked and helpful or maybe we don’t know how to say no.
You can say no and still be respectful, considerate and polite. Really, you can! The trick is to have a system that you can use over and over when you want to say no.
Here is a three sentence model statement:
- Acknowledge the request
- State your situation.
- Offer an alternate solution.
It sounds like this:
- I understand that you need help with the Excel spreadsheet this morning. Here is the situation; I have a report that is due at noon and I have to make that my priority. What I can do is help you this afternoon once my report is turned in.
- Mom, I understand that you want me to visit you every day. Here is the situation; I have days where I am too busy with work to stop by for a visit. What I can do is stop by on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings and Sunday morning.
- (To your boss) I understand that you need the sales numbers this morning. Here is the situation; I am booking all of the flights and hotels for your quarterly meeting this morning to get the discounted rates. What I can do is make that my second priority and move it to this afternoon and run the sales numbers now.
You can use this model with your colleagues, boss, partner, children, friends and your parents.
Tips for saying “NO” effectively:
- Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t be vague and don’t ramble Use the model above.
- Match your body language to your words. 55% of our face-to-face communication is body language and facial expressions. Make sure that your body is saying no too – not maybe.
- Be honest. Don’t fabricate a false situation. If you do, someone is likely to find out.
- Once you say no, stand your ground. The person asking may repeat the request several times. Keep saying no.
- Put your needs first. If you give in and say yes, you are putting the other person’s needs before your own. If you do that, you are going to end up feeling angry and resentful – at the other person and yourself.
- Remain calm.
Are you ready to say NO?